I'm currently trying to figure out a way to navigate a relationship without letting my depression take over. This is the first relationship I have been in since I came to terms with my mental illness a few years ago. This is a big adjustment for me because now I have to consider someone else’s feelings when I make decisions. Okay well, I don’t HAVE to consider someone else’s feelings, but I’ve started doing it automatically. I don’t think of it as a bad thing; its just different.
Right now we’re in the process of meeting each others friends which should be great. The issue I’m having stems from my social anxiety which makes me kind of awkward. Meeting new people completely throws me off of my game. It can be worse when I know I’ll have to see the person again. Add in the desire for them to like me and it makes me a big bundle of nerves. I’m sure its not out of the ordinary for someone to be super nervous, but its pretty new for me. I usually don’t have a problem talking about myself, yet in these situations I feel really awkward about it. I fall into self deprecating mode and think that nothing I do is worth mentioning. I’ve been in sort of a standstill lately and I don’t know the right way to describe it to other people. I’m not sure how open I should be about it. I mean how would you feel if the first time you meet someone they say, “I really like to create things, but I haven’t done that in a while because I suffer from clinical depression and my dark cloud wont let me”. Some might find that to be a little unsettling.
I’m sure I am overthinking this way more than I need to. I’m not sure how I should be handling this. Every situation has its own little quirks so is there a right way to do this? I’m a little out of my league here.