Recently there have been articles about Adele and the changes she’s made to her body. I don’t agree with all of the praise people are giving her because it makes it seem like there was something wrong with her before. As if her music and accomplishments didn’t matter as much because she wasn’t a size two. I’m not here to argue about it, we’re all entitled to our own opinions.
Something she “said” really stuck with me. There’s no real way to tell if she actually uttered these words. She allegedly said, “I used to cry, now I sweat.” When I heard it, I thought it might be a good philosophy for a dark time. I didn’t have anything to be truly sad about aside from my usual cloud of despair. After my dad passed away, I thought it would be a good time to try and channel my feelings into exercise.
Well…now I cry AND sweat. Sometimes at the same time and sometimes one right after the other. I’ve been inspired (not by Adele) to make sure I’m taking care of myself. I should be eating better, exercising and washing my effing face. Very basic things that everyone should be doing. Attempting this self-care takes a lot of effort because my natural inclination is to drown my feelings in chips and candy. Maybe even eating something I know will make me sick to avoid the feels. Fighting those urges is really creating a war inside myself like I don’t have enough on my plate
I’ve always medicated myself with food. Maybe not always, but definitely for as long as I can remember. Trying to stop that while being incredibly sad is so hard. It leaves me straight up emotionally exhausted. I have to force myself out of bed in the morning and want to get in there ASAP after work. Doesn’t leave me a lot of time to take care of things like I need to.
It could be that the universe is trying to tell me to take a break. To give into these urges (staying in bed, not the junk food). Half the time I still don’t believe this is real. They say grieving is a process, but I assumed I was exempt, and it turns out I’m not. Maybe if I give myself time to do nothing but feel I’ll get enough energy to focus on my health and wellness. Maybe not.
I used to force myself to go, go, go and now I take my time? Nah
I used to eat my feelings and now I just dream about mozzarella sticks? Nope
I used to stress about everything and now I stress about more? Still feels wrong
I used to take life for granted and now I know nothing is guaranteed.