I saw a post that said 20 years from now you’ll wish you had the life, health, etc that you have now so go out and do something with main character energy. My first thought was “hell yeah”, but what would that even look like? I know people talk about main character energy all the time but what is that? I imagine it's as if my life is a movie and I’m the star. I’m the one who should be taking chances and making things exciting. The one who runs into adventure with no planning just to see how it goes. (Okay, I wouldn't do that. I love a plan.) Not as a background character who fades into the abyss. I mean it's probably not the definition for everyone, but it's my movie, and that's what matters.
How can I add some main character energy every day? I spend most of the day keeping a tiny human alive so my options are limited. I can’t just run into danger when I have a mini-me dangling from my side. I guess it's something I should put real thought into. I never want to be the person who looks back at their life filled with regret. Stay tuned for main character adventures or maybe supplementary character failures.
Letting Go
No one tells you how hard it is going to be to watch your tiny baby grow up. He can walk and kind of say words so he's no longer the litter worm I brought home. What am I supposed to do with that?
I haven’t packed up some things because once I do, it will mean he is growing up. I still have pumps throughout the house even though I stopped months ago. I don’t want to get rid of his first toys because that is a sure sign of getting older. We don’t have the space for all of this nostalgia. To be honest, I could form an emotional attachment to a receipt so I’m not exactly shocked I’m having an issue with this.
Part of being medicated now means I know that it feels good to not be in a cluttered space. The problem is that my whole life is cluttered and I hate cleaning. Me, the person, is clutter. Am I supposed to part with my craft supplies? Am I not supposed to buy more? (answer: fuck no). I’ve slowed down since becoming a stay-at-home mom for sure. That doesn’t change what I already have in the house. I bought them for a reason so it doesn’t feel good to let them go.
One solution could be to actually use those things. I am allegedly a craft business owner. I could make all the things to get the supplies out of my house. One would say I’m built for that. We had the house professionally organized, but there is only so much they can do when you aren't willing to part with things. Don’t get me wrong. I did say goodbye to a lot of unused things, but my fabric, yarn and other various supplies keep me going. This is a situation where I feel like I need an adult. I can’t be held responsible for my previous actions when I had a shopping problem.